News Article

Josh Cole Loses War Against Cell Phones

Josh Cole signed his unconditional surrender last Wednesday at the Verizon Wireless store at the Solomon Pond Mall in Marlborough, Massachusetts. His years of whining and complaining about how cell phones have ruined real communication in public spaces came to a decisive end.

"Cell phones are just tougher and have more firepower than I do," admitted a weary and embarrassed Cole. "I am ready to join the 1990s. I just cannot fight anymore."

It has been rumored for years that Cole was just a cheapskate disguised as an idealogue. He would often be caught borrowing other people's cell phones during peak and off peak hours. He declined to comment on this topic saying, "I think I've suffered enough by signing this Treaty."

The accords of the Treaty of Marlborough enslave Josh Cole to a two-year indentured servitude where he must pay a monthly "bill" of $39.99 and various costs which are written in appendices hh-ppp. In addition he must now be reachable at all times by his friends, business associates, and loved ones.